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June 21, 2004

Pray For Reason

June 13, 2004

So... no, I haven't posted in a spell. While my failure to post may seem to indicate that I have abandoned my search for God, I assure you it is not. My search has, admittedly, lost some momentum over the past few months. There are many reasons for this lost momentum, the most obvious of them being that the initial reason for my search -- the woman -- has decided that I'm so wonderful she can be with me no matter what conclusion I come to about God. Some might argue, and I have considered the notion, that this decision of hers is an answer to my prayers. I am still too full of doubt to attribute something like this to God answering a prayer, yet not nearly as dismissive of the possiblity as I used to be.

My linear Bible reading had lost some momentum, as well, until I decided a week ago that the only way I'm going to get through this whole book is by setting some sort of schedule. So, I'm reading ten pages a day. I'm about halfway through Psalms at this point, and if I maintain my schedule I should be done with the whole book in about two or three months. I've concluded that while the Bible may be the most widely read book in the world, it's probably the least widely book read in its entirety.

I'm still focussing on Christianity, so here are two things that I'm having trouble reconciling:

-The belief that some Christians hold that anyone who doesn't accept Jesus Christ as their savior is going to hell, even if you may have lived an exemplary life full of charity and goodwill. The argument for this lies in the need for a choice to be made -- to believe or not to believe -- but I don't believe that a guy as seemingly cool and understanding as Jesus would send good people to hell.

-The fact that Christians can't agree amongst themselves about the true nature of Christianity.

But, then, the world is magical, and my life is much better than it was in January... I pause, I breathe, I scratch my head, I pray to something, I sleep.

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